[:en]
by Charlotte Tan
Every now and then, we often find ourselves at a crossroads—a situation where an important decision or choice must be made. In my eighteen years of existence, one of the most difficult crossroads I’ve ever been in can be captured in five words: what’s your plan for college?
Like every other 12th grade student, it was finally time for us to say goodbye to high school; the thought of saying goodbye to a school that almost feels like home was heartbreaking— how much more planning for college?
Hence I sought for expert advice—I asked older friends and relatives who had been through college; and about 99% of them asked me the rhetorical question: well, what do you want to do?
I thought long and hard about that question and I realized the answer was simple: I love to teach— I want to be a teacher. With this realization, I began planning—I asked around about colleges and universities, I consulted with teachers, and I submitted the necessary documents and records for application, and I began to prepare for the renowned entrance exam.
Though it has only been a month since I submitted my application, I wouldn’t be completely honest if I didn’t say that was enough time for me to begin doubting myself. It was in that time of preparation that the questions got worse; conversations would often go like, “What’s your plan for college?” they asked.
“I applied for this certain university—I want to be a teacher.” I would answer, and it is often followed by a gasp or a “Why??” To be honest, some reactions weren’t exactly uplifting. In fact, I began doubting my own desire to teach—I would ask myself if this this is what I really want. Maybe I should just be an engineer or go to medical school, who knows?
Confused and lost, I told a good friend how I felt and she asked me, “Did you pray about it?” to which I defensively answered, “Yeah, I did, I guess.” Funnily, it was the night before the entrance exam as I was forcing my brain to remember a handful of information, when I realized I haven’t really talked to God about it.
So I prayed and prayed and prayed up to the very moment the test proctor announced we can finally open the questionnaire booklet, I kept praying to God—it is my heart’s desire to teach, but I honestly don’t know if I should.
I asked God to give me a sign: if I pass the entrance exam, it’ll mean He wants me to pursue teaching; and if I don’t, I’ll accept it. And truth be told, when I finished the exam I only felt confident about the English portion.
Months and months passed, but just like before, time didn’t make things any easier. As the year 2017 came to an end, some of my batch mates caught on the what-should-I-do-for-college crisis and started asking questions out of panic like “How many didn’t apply yet?”, “Who applied to where?”, “You want to become a teacher? Why? You won’t make much money with that, you know that?”
Even though I wanted to help them with what I know, some of them weren’t so helpful with me. After a while, I heard that the results for the entrance exam I took were to be released soon; I was reminded of the sign I asked from God, but after all mixed reactions I received, I told myself to keep my hopes low. With all those months of silence and doubt, I decided I should at least begin to prepare for another university in case things go south, when suddenly a friend chatted saying “Congratulations! You passed!!”
I cried immediately after seeing the results for myself. It felt like I just won the lottery. I knew then and there my prayers were answered and I was given a clear sign—God wanted me to teach.
Simply put, the answer or the path out of the crossroads doesn’t come easy. Sometimes there’s just a huge sign telling you where to go or maybe no sign at all. Other times there are too many paths to choose from, but sometimes all the choices don’t seem promising.
It’s hard to read the future, but all we have to do is stand firm and trust in the Lord, because by the end of the day, He holds our future. Easier said than done, I admit, but worth it when all is said and done.[:]